Monday, January 31, 2005

Detective Retirement

A detective who spent his entire career in plain
clothes quit the police force and bought a farm.

"What kind of crops do you plan to grow?"
the police chief asked the farmer-to-be.

"Carrots and potatoes," the man replied.

"Why carrots and potatoes?" asked the chief.

"Because," answered the ex-detective, . . .
"I'm very fond of undercover crops."

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Clean Out Your Cubicle

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Pizza Delivery

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay,
they'd be bagels.

Friday, January 28, 2005

The Interview

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Larry King was once asked whom he would
interview if he could choose any person
across time. He quickly responded, "Jesus
Christ," noting that he would ask if Jesus
was indeed virgin born. "For me,"
explained King, "that would order all
of history." In a similar vein, Bertrand
Russell, the renowned agnostic philosopher,
was once asked what he would say if he

found himself standing in front of God.
Russell immediately answered that
would assert, "You did not give us
enough evidence."


Beware Of Dog

Pictures That The News Might Not Show

Please pray for our troops as they defend our
country from terrorism & help free the people
of Iraq. Let's hope that theywill be encouraged
to do their jobs well.

Cold Food

iWon cartoon of the day by Randy Glasbergen

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Girls Are Silly!!!


Michelle, Allison and Abby were chatting over coffee.

Says Abby, "I've been experiencing a strange
and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine
when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or

sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."

Abby then took a sip of her coffee. "Oww!"
she cried. "There it goes again!"

Says Michelle,

"Abby, sweetie.....

take the spoon out of the cup!"

On Your Nerves

Seven months pregnant, my hand on my aching back, I stood in line at the
post office for what seemed an eternity.

"Honey," said a woman behind me, "I had back pain during my pregnancy. I
was bedridden for four months because my baby was sitting on a nerve."

The man in front of me piped up. . .

"You'd better get used to it now. Once those young ones get on your
nerves, they can stay there till they're 22."



Got Milk

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Evil That Men Do

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In the wake of the tsunami that claimed more than
220,000 lives, some people were asking hard questions.
Faced with such devastation, they wanted to know,
how was it possible to believe in a good, all-powerful

Now stories are leaking out about what's going on in
the aftermath of the tsunami. The reports are sketchy
and anecdotal so far, but they already have people
asking another, equally important, question: Is it
possible to believe in the goodness of man?


Root Beer Please

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A root beer, please,
and one for the road."

Famous Quotes

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

The Book

Bible - God's Word to you in
different languages


Who is Jesus?


Some people say, "I go to church, so I am
a Christian.
But that's like saying if you
go McDonald's, you are a

F.S.C. 0 - A.S.C. 1000

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On one side of the issue are those who don't understand
how anyone could disagree with the use of unviable
tissue. They just can't fathom why there would be
to enabling Superman to walk again. And on
the other side
are those standing so close to the dis-
cussions opposing the
devastating and abhorrent
practice of abortion that the real
topic of discussion
is lost.

Both groups have a blind spot. The curious thing
about blind
spots is that you can't see them. Let's
look at this from a sports
perspective. It's the first
half. And the score? Read the board.

Fetal Stem Cells 0 - Adult Stem Cells 1000s

It doesn't even sound like a game worth watching,
does it?

Related Links:
Adult Stem Cells by David A. Prentice, Ph.D.
Stem Cells From Fat Used to Repair Girl's Skull - AP
Selling Out for Science - Newsweek
Engineered Stem Cells Can Home In On Tumors
Stem Cells Used to Repair Heart Tissue - Reuters
Stem Cell Information Page

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Stony Silence

A couple were driving to the airport in stony silence
since they had had an argument and she was not
really interested in flying in her husband’s aircraft
that afternoon. They drove past a meadow in
which several goats, cows, horses and sheep
were grazing. He asked sarcastically, “Relatives
of yours?” “Yes!” she quickly replied “In-laws.”

(Ths: Marie - S. Africia)

Monday, January 24, 2005

Catching Cold

A patient goes in to his doctor and says,

"Doctor, yesterday I spent all day photo-
graphing my nose, and today I can't stop

The doctor scratches his head and asks,

"Did you get the pictures back yet?"

"Not yet." says the patient, "Why?"

The doctor says,

"Well, obviously, you're developing a cold."

Difficult Times

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How many of you have prayed … believed …
desired … hoped and worked for something,
and then, in one fell swoop, all your efforts
seemingly get crossed up and don’t pay off?


Perpetually Ascending Staircase

Better Software

iWon cartoon of the day by Randy Glasbergen

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Shopping Center

Once you've seen one shopping
center, you've seen a mall.

Francis Scott Key

Born: August 1, 1779
Died: January 11, 1843

Lawyer, poet who penned the national anthem of the
United States of America. His published works include
"The Power of Literature and Its Connection with
Religion" and the posthumous collection "Poems."

After the British attacked and set fire to both the Capitol
and the White House, a long night of battle ensued. When
daylight came, much to everyone's surprise, the flag was
still there. This led the amateur poet to write on the back
of a letter in his pocket the lines that would become central
to the national anthem. A Baltimore actor sang the new song
in a public performance the next month as "The Star-spangled
Banner" and it became a popular patriotic song. In 1931
Congress enacted legislation that made this the official
national anthem. Key was appointed the United States District
Attorney and appeared many times before the
Supreme Court.


Friday, January 21, 2005

Great 19th Century Author

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Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man
has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men
have some. - Charles Dickens

A Man's Home

A man's home is his castle,
in a manor of speaking.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Humming Birds

Hungry Clock

When a clock is hungry, it
goes back four seconds.

This Software

Movies & T.V.

Why are you IN a movie,
but you are ON TV?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Montana Miracle

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The funeral plans for Matt were in the works. The Park Service
had announced that Matt was one of five people who had been
killed in a plane crash on a mountainside in Montana. The funeral
never happened. Suddenly, Matt's bereaved parents heard the
stunning news: although he had been badly injured, their son,
along with one other Forest Service worker, had just been
rescued alive, miles from the crash site. Rescue workers at
the scene of the crash had concluded that the charred wreckage
and the scattered human remains indicated that the crash had
been "insurvivable," they said. But amazingly, Matt and his
fellow worker hiked for 29 hours, often in subfreezing
temperatures, until they reached a highway where a motorist
picked them up. One news magazine called it, "A Miracle
in the Snows of Montana" MORE:


One of the great but little-known treasures of New York
City is a forty-acre hemlock forest, undisturbed, as far
as is known, since the time of the Indians. The grove
stands on the banks of the Bronx River in the New York
Botanical Garden.


The pyramids in Egypt contain enough stone and mortar to
construct a wall 10 feet high and 5 feet wide running from
New York City to Los Angeles.



In Australia, the Number 1 topping for pizza is eggs. In Chile,
the favorite topping is mussels and clams. In the United States,
it's pepperoni.


A Christmas Carol

The four ghosts in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol were
the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas
Yet to Come, and the ghost of Jacob Marley.

A "Blue Moon" is the second full moon in a calendar month
(it is rarely blue).



The title role of Dirty Harry, 1971, was originally
intended for Frank Sinatra. After he refused, it was
offered to John Wayne, and then Paul Newman, finally
being accepted by Clint Eastwood.



The "y" in signs reading "ye olde.." is properly pro-
nounced with a "th" sound, not "y". The "th" sound
does not exist in Latin, so ancient Roman occupied
(present day) England used the rune "thorn" to rep-
resent "th" sounds. With the advent of the printing
press the character from the Roman alphabet which
closest resembled thorn was the lower case "y".



The last thing to happen is the ultimate. The next-to-
last is the penultimate, and the second-to-last is the


"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for
good men to do nothing."

- - Edmund Burke (1729-1797), Irish philosopher and statesman.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The Chief and the Thief

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It was centuries ago, when all of North America
belonged to its Native people. One nomadic
Indian tribe in the Great Plains was blessed with
a chief that was beloved and respected by every-
one who knew him. He was known as a man who
deeply loved his people, and he showed it - and
a man of absolute justice and fairness and he
showed that. One day some braves brought a
very troubling report to him; there had been
several mysterious thefts from people in the tribe.
The chief wanted to nip this kind of stealing in
the bud so he announced a severe penalty for
the thief. He would be tied to a post when the
sun was high, his back laid bare, and he would
be beaten with a whip twenty times. Then the
chief set a trap. He asked two of his trusted
braves to leave some animal pelts in front of
a teepee one night and to watch all night from
another tepee. It was the middle of the night
when one of those braves awakened the chief
with the news, "We've caught the thief." "Then
bring him in," the chief ordered sternly.

Birth Registration

A UNC grad goes to the Birth Registration
Office to register his newborn son.

The man behind the counter asks the name
he wants to give to the boy, and the father
replies: "Euro."

The man says that such a name is not
acceptable, because it's a currency.

Says the UNC grad: "What? There weren't
any objections when I called my first two
sons Mark and Frank."

Child Care

It's a recognized fact that the only
thing kids wear out faster today
than their shoes is their parents!!!


-- When using a public campground, a tuba placed
on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either
side vacant.

-- Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by
kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

-- A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep
your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well,
but the cheese sticks between your toes.

-- While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for
years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely
unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

-- You can compress the diameter of your rolled
up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.

Be Patient

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Be completely humble and gentle; 

be patient, bearing with one
another in love. --Ephesians 4:2
Bible Verse

Monday, January 17, 2005


Bad Time To Run Out Of Film

Abounding In Love

You are forgiving and good,
O Lord, abounding in love
to all
who call on You.

--Psalm 86:5

Sunday, January 16, 2005

The Greatest Story Ever Told -
In Many Languages

Watch The Video:

Saturday, January 15, 2005